The Paradox of Victory and Success

The light coming from the window of the room was getting dimmer and dimmer, shadows of the sunset were covering the horizon while the room was in a tight grip of pin-drop silence. A dignified person was sitting in front of me.

There was a time when he was one of the most successful people of the age. Respect, repute, wealth and titles were his home servants. Success and achievement would wait at his door one after the other. He too struggled tooth and nail and pegged victory flags all around in the field of industry. But when he, after collecting a number of successes, wanted to live the rest of his life in comfort and peace, he had to face this dreadful realization that he did not have a single person to share his feelings of joy and sorrow with, someone he could talk his heart out to. His eyes that were once an embodiment of confidence now held a vacant gaze now. His radiant face, that once reflected satisfaction with the abundance of wealth and a luxurious life, now looked like a tapestry of wrinkles, bearing the weight of loneliness and marks of pain.

I finally approached him with a request to ask a few questions. He looked at me with a meaningful smile and agreed, so I posed my question: “Why is it that many of the successful people become a victim of loneliness after achieving magnificent successes?” He took a deep puff of cigar, relaxed his head on the backside of his chair, gazed in the upward space and said, “Because an obsession overpowers us. We are accustomed to competing with our own selves all the time, insisting and suggesting that we have to be victorious at any cost. Our victory becomes so dear to us that we sacrifice not only our own time but the time of our wives and children also for the sake of it. We sooth ourselves with the idea that what we are doing is for the good of our loved ones but we are mistaken because when we finally stand atop the victory podium we find it to our shock that there is actually no one around to celebrate it with us, no one to put garlands around our necks and no one to lift us on their shoulders with excitement, at least no one that we really care about.”

He took another puff of cigar, put it in the ashtray and continued, “You might have heard the name of Nikola Tesla, he was a great scientist of the world. Three major inventions are credited to his name. He was an expert of nine languages also. Tesla company is also established in his name. All motor vehicles running on the roads of the world owe it to his genius. But look at his misfortune, he had to spend last several years of his life all alone in a hotel room. The man who ‘created’ the twentieth century, who was a hundred years ahead of his time, succumbed to the miseries of loneliness, sadness and everlasting pain. And then one day, he was found head in a hotel room in New York.

Success always comes at a cost. It comes through sacrifices, more often than not, of your familial and social relations, mental peace and emotional health. However, the most formidable of them all is the cost you have to pay in terms of losing your loved ones. Success often comes riding on the back of loneliness. And loneliness is something that magnifies all the other pains. You become a slave of depression and hopelessness. You have to face a cascade of negative whims and thoughts. It is like becoming the person who unknowingly digs his own grave and fall into it one day without getting noticed by anyone at all.”

He took a sip from his freshly served cup of coffee, and went on, “Creativity is a must for progress. It leads you towards isolation where you can make plans for the future and dream bigger. Tesla also emphasized on the notion that innovation requires hard, focused and purposeful work. And once you set foot on your path to success you realize that you are now on your own. You deal with everything alone and become self-sufficient.  There, then, comes a point when you start believing that you no longer need anyone and this ultimately leads to a sense of isolation with no one around.

Another reason behind the isolation of successful people is that during their journey to success their family and friends express more doubts than confidence in their ideas and plans. They question his aims and even go to the extent of saying that they cannot achieve these goals. So they distance themselves from such people and their discouraging remarks in order to focus on their goals. This strategy actually helps initially, but then it leads to their isolation and they find themselves having to endure the weight of loneliness.

These people also get isolated because they aim for a greater future. Their perspective of the future is usually far beyond the understanding of a common man. So they stop caring about what others say about them. They get so obsessed with the idea of achieving their goal that they cut themselves free from all social bounds. They take for granted spending time with their loved ones and delve too deeply in to the idea of realizing their dreams that they stop caring if they have to travel their path to success all alone. It becomes so difficult for them to convince the others to see what they see and struggle for what they struggle for that they decide to let go of all those who don’t understand. They continue doing this until a sudden realization hits them hard that there is actually no one left to accompany them on their way. It is then that they realize what Charles Bukowski actually meant when he said, “when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?””

He put both his hands on the table in front of him and continued further, “People like us, who migrate from villages to the cities, think that progress isn’t possible without moving to the cities. So we move and progress we make but while we do that we leave many people behind and with these people many other things also. You can call it a “Jack Ma” but what is actually true is that despite all the money that we make and all the success that we gain we consider ourselves a failure. City life makes us selfish. We work hard day and night. We do all kinds of odd jobs to meet our expenses. We completely forget what it feels like either to spare time for ourselves or to spend quality time with our families.

Another reason behind this alienation is that we, as human beings, often lack emotional intelligence. We don’t know how to make well-balanced relationships. On our way to progress we get distanced from other people. We think only of the ways we can take advantage of the others and consider ourselves experienced and successful on the same basis. We are reluctant in making relationship with our subordinates beyond the scope of work. In this race of success, many of our friends are left behind. It becomes difficult to find a friend with a status similar to ours. Subsequently, we are left alone.

There is a Japanese research that amazed the world in the recent past. Japanese are known as quite a law-abiding people. However, a notable rise in law violations was observed among people over the age of 65 years. Further probe into the matter revealed that these people were actually breaking these laws to get into Jails seeking companionship with their fellow inmates to alleviate their loneliness.

Loneliness can make people miserable. We get our emotional food not from material things but from fellow human beings. If a person is able to enjoy the company of his family and friends, has time to read a book for pleasure, and time to go seeing places besides having a reasonable source of income, then he is the most fortunate person on the planet.  On the contrary if all you have is fame and wealth and nothing else then you are nothing but a hollow man.

It is important to be successful in life as one can make his own and others life better by it. But it should always be kept in mind before embarking on this journey that success is not the only thing in life. Money, fame, wealth and respect are not the only realities of life but there are many other blessings also that should be valued equally. Money once lost can be retrieved, fame can be restored but people once lost are lost forever. There is no substitute for love and affection. If we take these blessings for granted while running after material gains, they can be snatched away. Eventually, we may be left with not one to offer their shoulder for us to rest our heads when we get tired of chasing after what we desire.”

My second question to him was: “How can we maintain healthy and balanced relationships during our journey to success?

To this he answered, “Unfortunately, when we embark on a journey to success,  we often ignore some very important things. We believe that our time is too precious to be spent meeting people. We cannot simply remove people from our lives. It must be well understood that we share our joys and sorrows only with our family and friends. So if anyone want to be successful he should discuss his aim and dreams with his family. He should tell them how important it is for him to realize these dreams and how they can support him in his journey. When you value them and make them realize how important it is for you to have them by your side while you are at it, they start supporting you in every possible way. So finally, when you head towards the apex of victory stand they would be waiting to celebrate your triumph with garlands in their hands. With them around, your victory would become more meaningful to you sparing you from the hardship of loneliness.”

My questions were answered, and darkness had almost taken over the room. Someone came in to turn on the lamp, but he signaled him not, and I knew it was time for me to leave. So, I paid my respects and left.