When I opened my email program today the top news story was “What you don’t know about Kate Middleton” (including the fact that she is the oldest British royal bride ever at age 29. Gasp. The Old Maid), with a link to “royal wedding updates.”
Here is why I don’t give two hoots about the upcoming wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton:
- Declaration of Independence/Revolutionary War. You see, here in the U.S. of A. we are no longer British subjects under British rule. Prince William is not our prince, therefore, not one of our royals. TomKat and Brangelina, yes. William and Kate, no.
- Weddings are not my thing. When a close friend is getting married, I am happy for her and interested in all the details. If the bride and I are not close, I find the minutia of napkin design, train length and the result of the tails-versus-no-tails debate to be mind numbing. When the wedding is happening across a big-ass ocean and involves people I do not know, I truly cannot muster up even fake enthusiasm.
- I wasn’t invited. Now granted, the Obamas weren’t either, so I am in good company. But, really, you want me to get all jazzed up about an event I can’t even go to? There were 1,900 people invited, for heaven’s sake.
- I don’t get the Brits. I saw “The King’s Speech” because everyone was raving about it. I was hopelessly bored. Thus, I have determined that I just don’t get British dramas. Or humor. Monty Python, Ricky Gervais, Piers Morgan. Just don’t get ‘em. So why should I care when two of them get married?
- There are more important things to look forward to. Like our collective humiliation when “The Jersey Shore” kids head to Italy. Reading Bristol Palin’s upcoming memoir. Salt-n-Pepa’s reunion tour coming to Richmond.
To make this auspicious event worth watching, I am working on a royal wedding drinking game that can be played at all the bars that aired the World Cup. When an announcer refers to Kate Middleton as “a commoner,” everyone downs a PBR.
Or, how about royal wedding bingo? Corn in the Royal (pie)hole?
There has to be something to make this event bearable.
Courtesy to Stacy Ruble
Stacy Ruble is a freelance writer and grant consultant in Richmond. While she remembers watching the Princess Di-Prince Charles wedding, she intends to boycott the William-Kate nuptials. Unless there is a good drinking game associated with it.
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